Out of the Canyon | Ovecoming grief and loss | Art and Allison Daily

A few months ago, after a plane crash that claimed four lives in the neighborhood, I wrote a post about the inevitability of death (Death as an advisor). There was a survivor whose pain I found unimaginable. Through www.beliefnet.com I received an excerpt from a book on how to deal with such a devastating loss. The authors went through a very similar experience.

How to get through grief and loss.

By Allison Daily,  with Art Daily

Many years ago, I lost a brother to suicide. Fourteen years ago my husband lost his wife, Kathy, and two young sons, when a boulder fell from a canyon wall and onto their car and killed them. Art who was driving, wasn’t injured. He was left, instead, with an empty heart. While we know the heartbreak of loss, we also know there is a way to honor loved ones as your heal your own heart. Here are 9 healing insights to get you through your loss and grief, and onto the path of healing.

Step Gently on the Road to Healing

When you lose someone you love, it will seem like grief has total control of you. The road to true healing is a tough one and there are no rules when it comes to healing your grief. Most days you’ll wonder if you will ever feel good again. Early morning and late evening are often the hardest. The good news is that you can get to a place of peace, healing, and even happiness after you have lost a loved one.

Be Easy on Yourself

Give yourself a lot of space. When you lose someone you love, parts of you go crazy. Your emotions go on a roller coaster. Let them go crazy. Cry when you need to cry, laugh if you share a funny memory. Listen to your body and let your emotions take you where you are.

Communicate Your Needs

Let the people around you know what you need. If you want visitors, say visitors are okay; if not, post a note outside your door asking people to come back another time. It can be helpful to leave a paper outside so people can leave notes for you saying they’ve stopped by. In the first few hours or days of a loss, it is helpful to ask someone to man the phones and take messages. You may want to have someone leave a message on the answering machine explaining that there has been a death in the family and that you will return phone calls when you can. If you need to be touched, ask for it, if you’d like space, ask for it. During times of loss, people are often at a loss of what to do for the one grieving. Know that you are most likely going to want different things each day—sometimes each hour, and that is okay; it’s part of the process. Communicate.

Find Extra Help

A counselor you respect or feel comfortable with can be invaluable. He or she is your partner in grief. One of their jobs is to give you a safe place to just grieve, where no one expects or demands anything of you. They can help you decide the steps that will begin your healing and the timing of them. Medication may be helpful for sleep problems or to prevent grief from turning into severe depression. A therapist can help you sift through the choices, and decide what’s right for you. Maybe most importantly, a therapist can help you understand that your thoughts and feelings are not wrong, or crazy, and that you will survive them. Let them and others in as much as you can. There are also many support groups that meet the different needs of different kinds of loss.

Rediscover Exercise

If regular exercise has always been a part of your life, please go back to it as soon as you can. I can’t stress enough how important it is to get your body moving, and for those who don’t have an exercise routine, try something small even if it is a walk around the block. Grief, when trapped in the body, has the potential to create sickness and push you into a deeper depression. Movement of the body helps “unstick” your grief.

Give Your Heart A Break

Losing someone you love is the hardest thing to experience in the world. Grief needs to be distracted because it is so all consuming. Try to allow yourself times of relief by doing something you enjoy…even laughter. Watch a movie, go on a picnic, listen to music…when you are ready, go back to work. Check in with yourself, see what feels okay. There is also something healing about trying new experiences, when you are vulnerable because it can bring a form of diversity that helps you focus on something besides your pain. It won’t take away the pain away, but it will give your heart a break and give you a taste of peace amidst the storm.

Honor the Memory

There are many ways to honor the memory of someone you loved and lost. It’s important to create a place in your life that allows you to fully express or share your love for the one you lost. A woman who lost her eighteen-month-old child lovingly created two large picture collages of her child. Another friend who lost her mother, created quilts for each of her siblings from some of her mom’s favorite clothes. My husband, Art, took his lost son’s stuffed animals to his son’s classmates; it was a way for him to reach out and give them something to hold on to. The parents of Christi, a high school friend of mine who was killed by a drunk driver, started a support center, “For the Love of Christi,” which has helped over 70,000 people around Austin, Texas.

Read About It

There is a lot of good literature written about loss from many different perspectives. Some offer accounts of how others have handled their own grief. It’s comforting to read about someone who understands what you are feeling. A friend of mine who lost her baby at birth has found it helpful to read books written by women who shared the same experience. Some books are written from a more psychological perspective and have practical tips for coping. Books written by members of your faith or, books that contain daily affirmations or meditations can often ease your morning or help you go off to sleep. You don’t always have to read the entire book to be able to gather a few helpful ideas.

Celebrate The Life of Your Lost Love One

It’s an important part of the grieving process to look back at the things that meant the most to the one who is gone and define what they were to you and to others. This can be an annual or one-time event, like first-year anniversary remembrance. For example, one family lost their son when he was in his 20s. He loved the outdoors and hiking and was always conscience and protective of the environment. To honor their son’s memory, his parents send out reminder postcards right before the anniversary of his death to ask friends and relatives, near and far, to pick up trash on this day. My husband, Art, created and administers an annual Sportsmanship Award to junior hockey players. This event, in some ways, provides a kind of healing for the whole town. Whatever you choose, from the small and intimate, to the large and communal, the important thing is that it should represent a meaningful connection to the one you lost.

“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action”. –Benjamin Disraeli

Ameriplan USA | Plano, Texas | Not Recommended

Lately, I have come across several posts from people requesting information on Ameriplan USA (they sell discount dental plans) because they are thinking of joining. Below is my experience with them; it happened about four years ago.

Ameriplan “withheld” my earned commissions using the pretext of a “persistence reward” program, whatever that means.  There is no excuse for not paying you your personally earned commissions, that is what you work for.  I also lost a customer due to bad service.

I wrote two letters regarding the matter (one to each of the owners: Dennis and Daniel Bloom); they never answered. My advice is to stay away from them; it is a network marketing company to avoid.

What is (or was) your experience with Ameriplan USA?

“I’d rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous.”– Ani DiFranco

Free Antivirus Programs | Computoredge | Effective

I found a really interesting article on Computoredge magazine about reliable (free) antivirus programs. The article also has a link to another excellent article on computer higiene to keep your computer healthy.  There is an excerpt below and also the links to both articles. Don’t miss them:

Do Free Antivirus Programs Work as Well as Commercial Versions?

Many people insist that the commercial (paid) antivirus programs easily outperform the free programs. They say that since the program is free, it couldn’t possibly get the support needed to keep the protection up-to-date.

While there is no doubt that you will get more features in the paid versions of antivirus software, it is difficult to say that the free versions of the highlighted programs are not as effective as the other commercial programs. All three of the programs listed here have a paid upgrade available for their professional-level software. While each of the companies would like to give an incentive for people to upgrade to the paid version, it would be counterproductive for them to offer a less-than-effective free version. It would hurt their reputation. Since the goal is for you to upgrade to the commercial virus-protection software, each company must offer an effective free product to protect their good name.

Why Not Use All the Best Free Antivirus Programs?

Unlike Web browsers, you don’t want different antivirus programs running simultaneously. They will interfere with each other and probably generate numerous errors. Based upon the nature of how antivirus software works, it’s necessary to choose one. You may want to store the better programs available on your computer, but only one should be active. Then, if you do run into a virus problem that one program can’t resolve, you can deactivate the first while trying a secondary program. Pick only one for your active program.

You will find both articles and the best free antivirus programs at:
http://webserver.computoredge.com/online.mvc?article=cover&issue=2722&zone=SD&src=1

And their main website is: www.computoredge.com They have a “site search”.

When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?– Sydney J. Harris

Malashock Dance | San Diego CA | Third Annual

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Save The Date!
 
THIRD ANNUAL
MALASHOCK THINKS YOU CAN DANCE!
Benefiting The Malashock Dance School
Education Outreach & Scholarship Programs
 
Sat, September 26, 2009, 8 pm
Irwin M. Jacobs QUALCOMM Hall
5775 Morehouse Drive, San Diego, CA 92121
 
HONORARY CHAIRS: Robert B. Horsman and Katherine Kennedy
EVENT CHAIR: Dea Hurston

For more information visit:

www.MalashockDance.org

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful”.– Sigmund Freud

Maria Kitano’s Art | Abstract Paintings

I found Maria in Twitter and I was impressed by her work; maybe there is hope for twitter. Enjoy! Her website is below.

app1s I have been painting and drawing since childhood, using various techniques , going from pencil and graphite to pastels , watercolors and finally oils which I like the most. There is no complicated philosophical explanation about my paintings , the whole sense of my work is to communicate an emotion to you by watching a painting .

My work is a celebration of life, inspired from things I see every day , things that most of us do not pay much attention to.
My daily experiences: watching the sky , a bird , conversations, media, photos, television, memories, are reduced to abstract shapes and colors which allow me to show what I feel is important and beautiful. Abstraction is the way I come closest to representing the world around.–Maria Kitano

 

 

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For more information and to see more of her paintings go to: http://tweeart.blogspot.com/ 

 

 

 

 

” When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall, always.”– Mahatma Gandhi

Haiku Poem | Maybe?

These three lines came to mind. And I thought it was Haiku. Maybe not. I am looking into it.  A website I found is below. Do you know Haiku?

Gleaming white!
Jet black legs, beak. Yellow feet.
Summer, a Heron!

Haiku for people: http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wi Fi Security | Digital Dave | Computoredge

I learned a few things about Wi-Fi Security in this explanation by Dave in Computoredge Magazine. It may help you too.

When you are using a Wi-Fi connection, or for that matter, anytime you are communicating over the Internet, the only time your information is secure is when you are using a secure (encrypted) connection. In Web browsing, an encrypted connection is accomplished through TLS (Transport Layer Security), previously SSL (Secure Socket Layer). Rather than using the standard port 80 for Web connections, TSL uses port 443. The browser knows this and looks for a valid Security Certificate from the Web site.
In most Web browsers, you can identify a secure TSL page by the “s” in https:// and the “closed padlock” icon on the end of the address field. See the figure below. Anytime you are sending private information over the Web, make sure that these appear. When you log on to the connection, it should be through a secure page. Also, any online business (purchases, banking, etc.) needs to be done through encrypted (TSL) Web pages. (Not all browser versions will display the “closed padlock” icon.)


Figure 2. See the https on the left and the “closed padlock” on the right for a secure (encrypted) Web site.

These browser indications (https and the icon) are not foolproof. If you want be sure that you are at the right Web site, then examine the Security Certificate. (Click on the “closed padlock” icon and select “View certificates.”) The URL, or address, should match the address line. Browsers will give warnings if a Security Certificate doesn’t look right.

You need to understand that most Internet communications are not encrypted and therefore not secure. E-mail is particularly vulnerable since it is rarely ever encrypted. As it bounces from e-mail server to e-mail server on its way to its destination, it can be intercepted. You should never put confidential information (credit card info, Social Security numbers, etc.) into an e-mail.

If you don’t know that you are using an encrypted connection, then you should always treat the Internet communication as vulnerable to public viewing. Plus, none of this protects you from the person looking over your shoulder at the coffee house.

For more information contact Digital Dave at: http://webserver.computoredge.com/online.mvc?article=dave&issue=2727&zone=SD&src=1 or www.computoredge.com

“When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.”–Napoleon Hill

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